Hi friends!This week in class we’ve been learning about marriage and family. I wanted to share with you all some things I’ve learned and how I hope it affects me in the future.
1. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN GENDERS: Over time I have accumulated some information on this topic from several different talks and seminars. I’ve heard about differences between the wiring of a male and female brain. Boy’s brains are compartmentalized where-as everything is interconnected in a girl’s brain. I’ve even heard about the “nothing” box found in a male brain (which will remain a mystery to me). However, there was one new thing we learned in class this week that stood out to me. When entering a room, guys measure status and girls measure distance. Guys tend to compare their status in ability, authority, etc. with other men in the room. When girls enter a room, however, they tend to judge based on the closeness of their relationships to others in the room. If and when I am married someday I want to understand
these differences to better understand my husband. I hope that my husband will also aim to understand me like it says in 1 Peter 3:7.
2. SAFE-GUARDING IN MARRIAGE: I have thought a lot about what it might look like to set boundaries and how I might guard my heart in a dating relationship, but I really didn’t realize that boundaries are needed in marriage as well. We were encouraged in class to safe-guard our marriages in the future by being aware and staying alert. We are to put no confidence in the flesh, knowing that we are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Our hearts are deceitful and full of wickedness (Jeremiah 17:9). None of us are above falling so we should strive to live above reproach, staying alert and aware of situations that could be compromising. I hope to build healthy trust in my future marriage by applying these principles and guarding my heart and spirit (Mal 2:15).
3. CONTROL: In class this week we also talked about the struggle to find a balance of independence and dependence. Especially for women, it can be hard to relinquish control and allow the men to lead. Men were created to be strong and to lead, as women we should allow them to use their gifts. In the past, due to my personality, I thought that submission might come fairly easily for me in marriage. I now realize that was a naïve thought. I have heard from many wives and speakers that it’s hard and have seen examples in the bible such as Isaac and Rebekah. Rebekah takes matters into her own hands, deceiving Isaac into giving Jacob the blessing intended for Esau (Genesis 27). I realize that it will be difficult but important to find the balance between independence and dependence. Needing to be equal and becoming completely dependent are both destructive behaviors. Instead, as women, we are called to be help mates as we were designed to be in Genesis 2. I hope to someday be my husband’s helper by serving him and bringing him council but allowing him and trusting him to lead and make final decisions. I want to use my gifts someday to bless my future spouse. Also, I want to recognize, be grateful for and be blessed by his gifts. I hope that our marriage will work like the body of Christ, appreciating each part, seeing how it works as a whole.
4. PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE: I absolutely loved hearing about the heart of marriage. The purpose of marriage was described as a two-fold: it is for sanctification and to model the relationship of Christ and the Church to the world. Though I never consciously thought that the purpose of marriage was for our own happiness and satisfaction, I think deep down that’s where my motives were. I want my future marriage to model Christ’s love for the church which means that I can’t love until I know Christ’s love; a 1 Corinthians kind of love (love is patient, love is kind…). I also know that God will sanctify both me and my future husband through our relationship. This sanctification will be something that spurs me on in my relationship with Christ and toward the plans God has for me. Someday I want to marry someone because it is a requirement for the fulfillment of God’s plan for my life.
5. MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT: We have been learning a lot about covenants in class and bible study so remembering the fact that marriage is a covenant between husband and wife was powerful. Covenants are binding agreements. They are sealed with blood like in Genesis 15 when God instructs Abraham to bring animals to cut just before He establishes the Abrahamic covenant. In Genesis 2:21-24, a covenant between man and woman was created as God took part of Adam’s ribs to create Eve and make the two one flesh. Knowing that marriage is a covenant lays a heavy weight on the devastating fact that divorce is so prevalent. Deuteronomy 7:9 says that God keeps His covenants. If we are called, as Christ followers, to conform to His image then we should also keep our covenants. In marriage someday, I want to make sure that my husband and I agree that divorce will never be an option unless it can be founded on biblical grounds (adultery).
One more thing…
SINGLENESS: We were encouraged to use our time of singleness to allow God to trim our hearts. We should make every effort to follow God and let Him sanctify us today. We were also encouraged to focus on the work we have while we’re single because our minds will be divided when we’re married. I was challenged by the call to pray for my future husband. One speaker said that prayer takes the anxiety out of the dating process because God is in control. We were also warned to watch out for expectations, knowing that expectations will cause hardship. Right now, we can focus on expectations for ourselves.
Thanks so much for listening and being challenged with me!
Joyfully His,
Mal
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